1/11/2011

"Would you like ranch, bleu cheese, or celery with your wings?"

Today marks my two year anniversary of employment at Buffalo Wild Wings Fargo South. In honor of this momentous occasion, I'd thought I'd share some of my favorite BWW stories from employees and customers alike, and a bit of advice from a, dare I say it, veteran of the food service industry for the next time you decide to go out to eat with your family....

My very first day at Buffalo Wild Wings was a Boneless Thursday, and I trained with someone named Dennise Contreras. The very first words out of her mouth were, "the one thing you gotta know about working at Bdubs is that if you do something, everyone knows. This place is dramatic, and the girls here will eat you alive." ... great thing to hear on your very first day, huh? So I went about my business at Buffalo Wild Wings, learning the ropes, getting acquainted with the staff and management, and trying to keep up with the unbelievably fast pace of this crazy bar & grill.

Once you get into the swing of things, Buffalo Wild Wings is a GREAT place to work. After my second day, I got to experience my very first Blazin' Wing, a right of passage for BWW employees at Fargo South. Being the over-confident idiot that I am, I ate the entire wing in one bite, and declined milk. I distinctly remember tears STREAMING down my face, and maintaining that it "wasn't so bad" and I didn't need any dairy assistance. Just as a side note, I had heartburn for approximately four hours after that lovely experience.

One thing I've learned from working at Wild Wings is to NEVER underestimate the stupidity of the general public. I started serving in May 2009, and within the first week I realized how genuinely stupid some people are. My third shift after completing my training, I had a table of two "gentleman" (I use that phrase VERY loosely) sitting at a table, and I served them their food, drinks, etc. without a hitch. After cashing their table out and telling them to have an EXCELLENT rest of the afternoon, I hear them start talking about the "big pink tip" they would give me after my shift was over. I may not have been next to the table, but people tend to forget that there is NOT a magic vacuum around your table, your conversation carries... especially when I'm just one table away! Ah... the joys of booty shorts and sexual harassment!

If you think about it logically, every table leaves about $5 tip on average. My rent is $335 per month, ergo I need to wait on approximately 67 tables to make my rent every month. That is sixty-seven rounds of "boneless or traditional?" "Would you like ranch, bleu cheese, or celery with that?" "Are fries okay for your side?" "Yes, I realize that Samuel Adams is brewed in Massachusetts, but that doesn't make it a domestic." "This is not Wisconsin, we don't have Busch Light on tap." "Yes, we do have diet coke... no, Mountain Dew is not a coke product. Yes, Mountain Dew has ALWAYS been a pepsi product... yes, I'm sure."

At Buffalo Wild Wings, we have fourteen signature sauces and four dry rubs. These sauces do NOT include (and yes, I have actually heard all of these before): Little Asians, Asian Zingers, Par-mee-see-an Garlic, Spicy BBQ, Mongolian, Spicy Thai, Thai Curry, Jamacian Jerk, Balls Hot, Super Spicy, Honey Garlic, Dry Heat, Spicy Vineagar... just throwing out random words in varying combinations does not create your very own, new and improved sauce option...

Buffalo Wild Wings is a born and bred sports bar. We have an ungodly amount of TVs in a relatively small space, and there are always half cocked sports fans screaming wildly at their favorite team. Last spring, everyone can recall the heartbreaking game for the trip to the Superbowl... Vikes v. Saints. This was the night of my first dine and dash... only in this case it was a "punch a SAINTS can, slip on the ice, break your femur and run from the cops" and dash. No, this is not an exaggeration. You have to be here?

One of the most distinct memories I have in my serving experience happened on a fairly recent All You Can Eat Wing Wednesday. You see, many people see this as a challenge and eat an unhealthy, inhuman amount of traditional wings and fries. One such individual fought to consume fifty traditional wings... then projectile vomited into the door of the men's restroom while exclaiming "I'm so sorry Emily!" Apology accepted ;)

Over the past two years, I have learned many life lessons from the patrons and staff of Buffalo Wild Wings... some more valuable than others.
1. Ordering a soda AND a water is obnoxious.
2. When you order a flavored lemonade, it is inevitable that everyone else in your party will want to order a flavored lemonade. And yes, they are a bitch to make.
3. You are NOT being health when you order a tender salad with extra ranch. Just because the word "salad" is in the name of your food does not make it the healthy option. Neither does the word "wrap."
4. If your ID is expired, you can't have booze. It's as simple as that.
5. As a server, I am also, apparently, a janitor... to clean up the giant piles of wing bones scattered across the restaurant. I am a babysitter/nanny.... to watch children who are clearly NOT mine and make sure they don't get burned by trays of scalding food. I am a magician... because obviously only a magician would be able to get you a well done burger in five minutes or less.
6. The life skill of beer-glass carrying and silverwear rolling. Boo. Yah.
7. Never underestimate the power of regular customers. Or booty shorts.
8. Playing SHARK ATTACK is a valid way of passing the time... it is a big deal when you beat Chzhead.
9. Kitchen baseball is a suitable way to pass the time on a slow Monday night. Yes, Monday nights are ALWAYS slow.
10. Never, ever touch your eye after carrying a boat of blazin' wings.

My coworkers at Buffalo Wild Wings have become my second family, and I would be completely lost without them. If I really want to break it down for you.. I get paid to have a social life. YES, I do have to deal with the incessant complaints of patrons who just don't quite understand why ranch has to cost an additional $0.40 on Tuesday, Wednesday, and Thursday when it's free/included the rest of the week... but I'll take the trade off. Happy TWO YEAR ANNIVERSARY to me!

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