Sure, I was disappointed, but I didn't shed a tear for what could have been or what I was missing out on. I know it sounds crazy, but I think this entire thing may have worked out in my favor. Hanging around F-town may have its advantages.... and I do love a challenge. I forsee many upcoming challenges... some of which I'm actually looking forward to pursuing and overcoming.
As for recent developments, I'm getting my first tattoo tomorrow. It may be showing my inner theater geek, but it actually has significant meaning.
I don't know how many of you have heard the song "Defying Gravity" from Wicked, but the lyrics have really struck a chord with me after the past six months....
"Something has changed within me
Something is not the same.
I'm through with playing by the rules of someone else's game.
Too late for second guessing, too late to go back to sleep.
It's time to trust my instincts, close my eyes, and leap...
It's time to try defying gravity, I think I'll try defying gravity
And you can't pull me down.
... I'm through accepting limits cause someone says they're so.
Some things I cannot change, but till I try I'll never know.
Too long I've been afraid of losing love, I guess I've lost
Well if THAT'S LOVE, it comes at much too high a cost.
I'd sooner buy defying gravity.
Kiss me goodbye, I'm defying gravity
And you can't pull me down.
... So if you care to find me, look to the Western sky.
As someone told me lately
Everyone deserves a chance to fly!
And if I'm flying solo, at least I'm flying free.
To those who ground me, take a message back from me.
Tell them how I am defying gravity.
I'm flying high and defying gravity.
And soon I'll match them in renown.
And nobody in all of Oz, no wizard that there is or was,
Is ever going to bring me down."
After everything that happened the past few months of my life, and the past four years of my life... there's somethings I've learned...
1. NEVER sacrifice who you are for someone else. You are beautiful, and you are good enough just the way you are.
2. Things can only change if you try.
3. Sometimes bad things happen to good people, it's what you do after that that sets you apart from everyone else. It's our choices, not our circumstances, that make us who we are.
4. I don't care who you are or where you come from, this is the only life you're going to have... don't live a single day with regret.
So as of this time tomorrow, I'll have the words 'Defy Gravity' permanently etched into my skin. I'm looking at the pain involved as a final dose of pain, and a soothing catharsis to permanently let go of everything that's been holding me back for all this time. I'm moving on with my life, and every time I doubt it, I can look in the mirror and see a permanent reminder of everything I've learned.
I am beautiful. I am strong. And to hell with you if you don't think I deserve better.
Keep Soaring.
Emily
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