This semester has been so hard. A roller coaster of emotions is a complete understatement.
I've been betrayed. I've been heartbroken. I've been abused. I've been degraded, humiliated, and for lack of a better word... hurt. I've never hurt so badly in my life. And as someone who tries to create my own luck and create my own happiness... I'm finding it harder everyday to have hope for a positive change. I've stopped sleeping, I've lost hope.
My dad always tells me not to put all my eggs in one basket, but truthfully... Disney is the only basket I have. If I don't get into Disney, I'll be in Fargo until at least August. A very long time. Florida is my selfish escape from my life. I don't know how else to deal with my collapsing life except to run away from it entirely. Thousands of miles seems like a far enough distance to scurry away from the things that are making me cringe, making me relapse, making me remember what it feels like to be depressed. To be lonely. To feel worthless and sad all the time. Mickey Mouse can solve that. The magic of Disney can solve that. Helping families create memories just like the ones I have of my time there can solve that. They just have to give me the opportunity. It's entirely in their hands, but I know for a fact that I am everything that Disney is looking forward. Above all else, I believe in the power of your imagination. It can save your life.
On an uplifting note, I finally got to talk to Mitch Skajewski today. This is an entirely huge deal, because he can make me smile when no one else can. Sky is a very unique person in my life, I feel a connection with him unlike any other friendship I have. When he hurts, I hurt... more so than is probably healthy or than I will probably ever understand. Although I haven't seen him in a long time, just hearing his voice brings me comfort and reminds me that everything is going to be okay. Eventually. Maybe not right away, but someday they will be. I have to rely on that. He's my pillar, even if he doesn't know it. Sky is a character, which makes sense since I met him through the performing arts.... but really. He is animated, he makes me smile, and he makes me feel so beautiful, not because he tells me I am (which he does) but because I feel like a good person when I'm with him. I often wonder how different my life would be if certain circumstances hadn't existed the way they did, and a lot of those thoughts revolve around Mitch. Where would I be if I never agreed to participating in The Glass Menagerie? Would I be who I am today? Sky has changed my life, something I will be eternally indebted to him for.
Someday I'll understand. Someday everything will make sense. Not today, but someday.
Until then...
Emily
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