::for good::

I'm sitting in front of my parent's unlit fireplace, sitting in flannel from top to bottom, which means that my Disney College Program has come to a close. Being a biology major, I'm often asked why I chose to participate in the Disney College Program. The networking isn't great, and very little room for advancement is available within my field. I often asked myself the same thing. By participating in the Disney College Program, I came to love a man I barely knew anything about as part of my family, and become a part of his living legacy. I watched families make memories, and witnessed dreams come true. With every child's wish on a Wishing star, I saw them cling tightly to their innocence, even if it was just for one more day.

As I leave, I carry one very important thing with me. I came to Florida knowing no one, absolutely alone, and I left with a family. New York, Ohio, Florida, Missouri, Iowa, Alabama, Texas, Maryland, Hawaii... across the map, all brought together by One Man's Dream. It's never goodbye, it's only "see ya real soon!"

To my Disney family, you gave me strength and were my living safety net when it took all my strength not to lose my mind. I owe you everything, and I'll be seeing you soon. Ya'll made my program, and I'm so thankful to have the opportunity to make you all a part of my life. You will always have a special place in my heart, and I can't wait to see you again.

"I only hope that we don't lose sight of one thing-that it was all started by a mouse." --Walter Elias Disney

[one last vacation]

Cinderella's castle is decorated for Christmas. Every night at 6:15, Mickey, Minnie, Goofy and Donald get on the Castle Forecourt Stage and argue about how to decorate Cinderella's castle for the Holidays (Donald wants to wrap it like a giant present... such a silly duck). The Fairy Godmother suggests asking the master of the house, and Cinderella and Prince Charming join them on the stage. Cinderella says she's always admired how her glass slippers sparkle and shine, and how lovely it would be if her castle could do the same... so with a Bippity Boppity Boo the castle lights up, one section at a time, until the entire building sparkles as if it were covered in icicles. I've seen photographs of the castle all lit up around the holidays before, but photos don't do it justice, the castle is really quite breathtaking around this time of the year. 200,000+ LED Christmas lights will do that.

Cinderella's Christmas Wish occurs every night. Walt Disney World is "the most magical place on Earth," and the idea of wishing upon a star and having all your wishes come true if you only believe in the power of your dreams is a huge theme at WDW... and today's story stems directly from that.

Tonight was a Very Merry Christmas Party night, so we only had three turns for dinner. Our very last table of the night was a table for five, and the party arrived in Cinderella's Royal Elevator. This family had two adults and one child, and the mother very visibly was undergoing chemotherapy. It was her birthday, as was made evident by her birthday pin, and she was also visibly distressed. The rest of her party, two more adults, were stuck at the gate. Their plane had arrived late, and while they had day passes for Magic Kingdom, they did not have the extra ticket event tickets to get into the park after seven... which means they were not able to get to Cinderella's Castle to dine for this very special birthday celebration. After a couple interventions by our staff and Guest Relations, we were able to get this couple from the front of the park to the castle, into the dining room, and sat for their meal.

Disney cast members are well known for their tendency to go above and beyond normal customer service to give our Guests the experience of a lifetime, encouraging them to bring their families back here someday. We try and create a legacy, and it is what sets Disney theme parks apart from any other theme park across the country. Going above and beyond is not only expected of us, it is required as a Disney Cast Member.

As a Cast Member...

• I project a positive image and energy.
• I am courteous and respectful to all Guests, including children.
• I stay in character and play the part.
• I go above and beyond.

These are the Disney Service Basics. We are taught these at our Disney orientation (a four hour course called Traditions) and again at a two hour training course devoted entirely to the Disney Service Basics. Conversations are to remain upbeat, we should always be smiling... we stick to the Disney look. When speaking to a child, we get on their level, down on a knee and look them straight in the eye. We be sure to keep with our theme of each land in Magic Kingdom, down to the individual attraction... often that simply requires calling each little girl "Princess." We put in the extra time to make sure each Guest is enjoying their stay at Walt Disney World, and be sure to go above and beyond what is easy and expected to make every Guest feel like this park operates only for them.

Considering these are the rules we abide and function by, making sure this woman's family was able to dine with her on her birthday was common sense; however, it was extra special for her. This woman was facing a terminal diagnosis, and doctors did not think she'd even make it this far... to her birthday. Her vacation at Walt Disney World was the last time she would be able to vacation with her family, and it was her last wish to be able to enjoy the innocence and magic of Disney with her family... to leave her family with a positive, uplifting memory of them together before she lost her battle with cancer.

I spend a lot of my time thinking about how many spoiled kids I have to deal with, how many times I point out where the bathroom is... how many times I tell Guests that no, there is not a castle tour and yes, I'm sure that the castle tour really is in California... and explain that there is no dragon at Cinderella's castle because Sleeping Beauty has a dragon. Through all of that, I sometimes forget how special these memories people are creating in Disney really are. How important they are. Every once in a while, I need to try and draw from the memories I have as a child in Disney with my family, and how much the simple memory of meeting Sorcerer Mickey outside of Spaceship Earth on my last day of my Disney vacation in January 2000, my first trip to Disney, mean to me... and how the simple gesture of calling each and every little girl who walks up the forty stairs into Cinderella's dining hall "princess" can make a world of difference. 

Sometimes I get Sappy.

I realize I live in a vacation destination, and work at the world's most popular playground.... but I can't wait until I can see this man every day.

[from here on out]

At first I wanted to take the time to write about my visit to Fargo. How it was the best week I've had a very long time. I saw Ali for the first time in two months, and it's like time stopped. I've never been so happy in my life, and I know the next time I see him will be even better.

I looked around on Friday night, vodka screw-up in hand, at Rooters. A little bit of a dive, but one of my favorite bars in Fargo, and I saw people who came out of their way, took a night out of their ever-busy lives, to celebrate my homecoming and just to say hello. I looked around and I felt so valued, so loved, and unbelievably blessed. How fortunate I am, and how much I have to be grateful for. I have amazing friends, the most loving, supportive boyfriend anyone could ever ask for, an amazing family, and a future ahead of me that anyone would be envious of...

The best part of my trip was just being able to lay in bed with Ali, watch Netflix, and just share in each other's company. Wrap up in his arms and feel at home. There's nothing I would rather do. On Monday evening, after sharing dinner with my family, he and I went to the Hotel Donaldson for a few martinis. I love the HoDo, the ambiance, the mood, the clientele... it makes me happy. On our first date, Ali took me to Wasabi for my first sushi experience, followed by martinis at the HoDo, and the Oscars. Ever since, martini dates with him have held a special significance in my heart. Spending time with him, sipping a martini, all dressed up, enjoying each other's company. It doesn't get better than that!

This experience, so far, has given me the opportunity to learn so much about myself. I'm stronger than I thought!

From here on out, I have some things I want to accomplish. I'll be back in Fargo soon, and I have a few things I hope to accomplish.

1. Gain a little muscle tone- The "Disney diet" has helped me. A combination of eating right, not drinking in excess, and walking up 500 stairs per day at work has helped me drop from a size four back down to a size zero, and now, with the help of Tony Horton and AB RIPPER X I'll be in a fantastic, muscular tone in no time! 
2. Stop leaving things scattered about my room. Goes without saying.
3. Save money for a new mattress, and for the exciting things that are about to unfold in the next few years.
4. Time for school! 

Very exciting times ahead. Time is going to fly! 

Airline induced panic attack.

I am leaving in three days. All day Sunday, all day Monday, all day Tuesday... and getting up at the ass crack of dawn to fly home on Wednesday!

Perhaps it will be a blessing in disguise that I work 38 hours over the next three days. At least the time will go quickly!

I'm having a mild anxiety attack about this airline business. What if I miss my flight? What if my tickets are all wrong? What if zombies come and prevent my departure? What if I sleep too late? So many anxiety ridden thoughts all boiling down to the same thing: I cannot wait to get on that plane! Thank God for Mrs. Linda White, for providing me with affordable transportation to the airport at the ass-crack of dawn on Wednesday morning! She's my savior.

I'm still in mild disbelief that my trip home is already here! Can't believe it's October already. Time is flying. Hopefully it will slow down for the week I'm at home.

Plans thus far for my trip home:
Wednesday: Land around 9:55a, lunch with my parents at HuHot, pedicure with mom at 2:00, then locking myself in Ali's apartment and waiting for him to come home!!! After that.... eating copious amounts of Chinese takeout and never letting him leave my sight.
Friday: Downtown shenanigans, FARGO style!
Sunday: Hello, Vikings football! Try and win for me!
Monday: Dinner with the familial unit, bonfire to follow.
Tuesday: Cry a lot :)

I can't wait!

In Disney news... Walt Disney World turned 40 today. There were 60,000+ people in the park today. No, I'm not exaggerating. And yes, that's only at the Magic Kingdom. More specifically, Magic Kingdom turned 40... Epcot turned 22 ;)

[untitled]

I've been trying, for a few weeks now, to update this blog with something substantial; unfortunately, I've been feeling more than uninspired lately. I know it seems surprising, since I work in the location that is, supposedly, the most magical place on Earth, but inspiration is hard to come by. Maybe it's all the yogurt and Kashi I've been consuming in the last week... perhaps it's addled my brain. Maybe the human brain can't survive on low-cal shit and needs a big, greasy, disgusting pizza every once and again. Who knows, maybe modern science has got it all wrong, and the human body needs 2,000 calories daily made up mostly of trans fat, cholesterol, and those squishy, fudgy marshmallows hiding in the pint of Ben & Jerry's Phish Food I'm so desperately trying to avoid in an attempt to maintain the thin figure I've redeveloped over the past two months away from home.

I took a nap this afternoon and dreamed my skin peeled off, leaving me as a muscled body... completely naked, of course, but the main concern here was the lack of integument, not the lack of clothing. Assuming it is completely based on my vanity... I'd say the dream spurred from my obsession with acquiring a golden glow before I fly to Fargo for the week.  Don't get me wrong, I love my body... but this sunbathing fix isn't because I want to have pretty, golden skin; it's more so that when I gallivant back to the North country the idea of me living in Florida for the past two months is believable. I'd like to say I spend my time frolicking on the beach, learning how to surf, making magical memories for children and somehow finding time to pose with the nearest palm tree every day... but really? I spend at least two and a half hours per day on an overheated, smelly, overcrowded bus system. I take a bus from the Chatham bus stop (about three to four blocks from my Patterson apartment) to Vista Way, then that bus to Disney's Transportation and Ticket Center, then to West Clock cast member parking. Then I hop on a Disney VIP Castmember bus to the entrance of the Magic Kingdom tunnel system.... and I do it all again on the way home. I spent anywhere from 9-14 hours of every day inside Cinderella's Castle (trust me, it's a lot less exciting as it seems). On days I work, the time I'm not at work or on a bus I'm usually in bed, relaxing, skyping, mentally preparing myself for another day inside that castle. So the sun-kissed skin I'm sporting the past week or so? A carefully calculated optical illusion... trying to convince the masses that working for Disney, living in Florida, is the bees knees. I've carefully scheduled time to lay by the pool to create these tan lines. Alas, tis true. I am a Disney slave. My skin was just as pasty white as it was when I left North Dakota (considering I'd already peeled off my Lake Calhoun sunburn debaucle... I was pretty white).

It's amazing how when you're craving a slimy, greasy, nasty cheese pizza that nothing you try to tempt your body with to get rid of the craving is good enough.

 "Here, body, try a raspberry yogurt with cinnamon KASHI! You love that! It's your favorite!"
"Hmm... no, thanks. I want a pizza. That's it. I'm going to reject everything you give me until you fill my arteries with grease. Okay, thanks."
"But, body... I've been working really hard to eat right and be healthy! Don't sabatouge me now!"
"Fuck you, Emily! I'm going to KEEP releasing negative chemicals in your brain until you give me what I want. I want pizza. End of story."


Sad thing is... that body always wins. And as if the pizza which the Ninja turtles would envy wasn't enough to satisfy me, I'll throw in some garlic butter. Just in case.

In the Next Four Days.

Saturday. Sunday. Monday. Tuesday... I'm going to:

• Work 35 hours
• Clean my room
• Clean the bathroom
• Eat nothing but yogurt, kashi, and english muffins
• Be paranoid about missing my flight
• Not sleep due to paranoia about missing my flight
• Stare at the clock to make time go faster
• Pack and repack my carry on bag
• Triple check my flight
• ... then check it again
• Take a deep breath.
• Get the hell away from Disney

I can't wait. See you soon, Fargo!

Just Because I Can

I'm sharing a photo from my Disney "weekend." I went to Epcot with Miss Kate Salisbury and met the Mexican version of Donald Duck... does the sombrero make him culturally sensitive or racist?

I'm currently doing laundry, planning my parent's trip to Disney in December, cleaning for inspections this week, being overly excited for my visit home, and skyping with Ali and Jordon... all in my bra and zubas. Why? Because I can.

Make*A*Wish

It never fails. Seeing a family in Disney with a Make-A-Wish button on always chokes me up. Today was no different.

Tonight, a gentleman came up to our podium inquiring if we had any availability for his family for the evening. As always, we responded with a resounding, "I'm sorry, sir, but we are fully booked for the evening. If you'd like, you can call the Disney dining line at 407-WDW-DINE and see if there are any openings for the duration of your stay." He, looking crestfallen, told us that it was okay, he understood, he was there with his family for his daughter's Wish and he knew that getting in was a longshot, and walked away.

I feel guilty every time I turn away a guest. Realistically, we are fully booked everyday, and we book out six months in advance. If I could, I would let every family come inside and visit Cinderella's Castle, eat with the princesses, and have a great time; however, seeing as there are only 43 tables and a capacity of 211 (including staff) this, of course, is not possible. Seeing the disappointment on little girls' faces everyday is hard to see, especially when parents blame me for ruining their child's vacation... but seeing a Make*A*Wish family walk away without being able to show their family the castle is heartbreaking. I know that, if given the chance, they would give anything to change the cards they were dealt, and these vacations are a chance for them to escape, if only for a short time.

The end of the night came, and the father came walking back up to the podium in the off chance we were able to let his family inside. As luck would have it, my coordinator told me to go ahead and take them in as a walk-in for our last turn. As I turned and told the father that we were able to take his family inside for dinner and asked for his information, he started to tear up. He profusely thanked me, sharing part of his story...

His daughter, Ella, was diagnosed with neuroblastoma. Despite numerous rounds of chemotherapy, the cancer wouldn't back down,  and the doctors told their family there was nothing else they could do. She was given approximately two months to live, and sent home to spend the remaining time with her parents and big sister. Make*A*Wish granted her wish to spend a week in Walt Disney World, and seeing where Cinderella lived was the top item on her list.

While I know that I wasn't the one who made her wish come true, but knowing I was involved in a very special, very important memory for this family lifted me up and made me feel good.

Most of all, it made me so grateful for the life I was given.

What You Missed

Technically speaking, "What you Missed" is a song by my best friend Mitch Skajewski and his band-mate Topher about a less-than-present father; however, the mood of the song is setting the theme for my evening. 


The past two days have been fantastic. I had my "weekend" (at Disney, your weekend can be any time throughout the week... it just falls whenever they can give you two days off in a row, ha ha) and did it big.

Wednesday I went and played at Magic Kingdom with Logan, Ryan, Drew, Steve, Teejay, and a friend of theirs whose name escapes me... Kaitlin, maybe? (My apologies if you're reading this... I'm a little sleep deprived, not intentionally rude!) Being on the other side of Cinderella's Castle is much more enjoyable. I finally was able to meet my main man, Pluto, and my boss with the big, round ears. It was an excellent, slow day at the park... we walked on rides left and right, rode the three big mountains at MK (Splash, Big Thunder, and Space) bounced over to Hollywood Studios, rode Tower of Terror over and over... on which I was FINALLY able to strike a cheesy, serious pose, something I have never been able to do due to the bloodcurdling screams escaping my mouth as I plummet to the Twilight Zone. Being able to spend time with some friends, relaxing and reliving childhood adventures was needed.


Today I went to see The Lion King 3D with Michelle and Katie (friends from work) and a few others from Chatham Square, which was another great chance to relive the Disney magic from my childhood. I also had the chance to ride around in a convertible in the raging tropical heat, which was awesome... before the daily afternoon downpour struck the Orlando area...


Despite the great days I've had this Disney-weekend, I'm wicked homesick today. I woke up this morning, rolled over to an empty race car bed (on a side note, I'm so lucky I'm petite... I can't imagine being an average-size adult male and trying to sleep on a Disney housing bed), longing for my one and only, and it was a feeling I couldn't shake today. That in no way means I didn't enjoy my time off and time with friends, but it's that nagging feeling. Like a hangnail, that persistent, nagging pain in your thumb that doesn't rule your day but is just painful enough to bother you throughout the day... my homesick-ness was my metaphorical hangnail. 


Everyday I'm away I miss the people back home. The people back home are my metaphorical hangnail. My boyfriend, my family, my friends... I'm so blessed to have the people in my life I left up north (temporarily, of course), and being away from them is hard. 


I've been listening to 3rd and Main tonight, which is my best friend's band back home. His name is Mitch Skajewski, and he is always, always, always in my corner. I was watching a video recording of his song, "What you Missed" when I recieved a picture message from my cousin who is currently visiting Fargo from her internship in Rapid City, SD. Her and my brother are kicking my grandma's ass in Rummicube, an intregal part of my childhood... which was immediately followed by a Skype session with my boyfriend, and two friends from back home, Jordon and Chris... my homesickness is clearly overwhelming. 


Thankfully, I'll be able to escape the tropics soon enoough... I'm FARGO BOUND in one week and five days. Yes, I'm counting.


After my weekend, I'll be going back to the castle for a 13.5 hr shift. Welcome to the Disney family, Miss Jorgenson! 

Boo to You!

HAPPY HALLOWEEN

Believe it or not, it's officially Halloween at the Walt Disney World Resort. I've been here just about a month and a half, and I've settled into the Disney lifestyle. I've adjusted as much as humanly possible... but seeing that there is no rhyme, reason, or sense to our schedules my body isn't exactly on a time clock. Oh well, that's working for the Mouse, I guess. My boss is a tough cookie.

Halloween time at Disney world starts, officially, on September 13, 2011 and runs through November 1, 2011. Mickey's Not-So-Scary Halloween Party is the center of attention for the WDW Resort this time of year, and for good reason. As an extra ticket event, a select number of ticket-holding guests are admitted to the Magic Kingdom Theme Part, exclusively, from 7:30p until midnight. Any other guest at the park, starting at 7:00p, will be escorted out by a Cast Member until only those wearing the Not-So-Scary wristbands are left in the park. The Halloween Party has a separate, Villain-themed Castle Stage Show, a unique fireworks spectacular, "Hallowishes," meet and greets with characters who can be seen ONLY at Mickey's Halloween Bash, as well as the highlight of the show, "Disney's Boo to You Halloween Parade," which shows twice per party. 

I had the opportunity to view the cast preview of "Boo to You" and it was an experience! The photo shown at the beginning of the blog is the Headless Horseman, who starts the parade by galloping down the parade route, from Frontierland to Mainstreet USA. The horse is unbelievably beautiful, which is why this was my personal favorite part of the parade. 

I'm the first to admit that working at WDW has destroyed a lot of the world famous "Disney Magic" that tourists from all around the globe come to Florida to see. There are Disney theme parks in California, Paris, Tokyo, Hong Kong, and Shanghai... but Walt Disney World in Orlando was Walt Disney's dream, and I've heard that there is nothing like the real thing! Despite the lack of Magical Moments in my Disney life, watching the Boo to You parade brought that Disney magic back to life for me. It's engaging, it's fun, and the character performers are so ridiculously talented! 

Disney employment isn't all it's advertised and cracked up to be, I'm going to give it some time to settle and see what sort of tomfoolery Cinderella can get me into until I formally share my opinions with everyone. My job is exactly that... a job. One that consists of crazy hours, crazy guests, and a crazy over-priced menu! ;)

Aside from my job, I'm meeting new people from across the country, and they are making my time off from Disney an adventure in and of itself. 

I'm heading home for a visit in three weeks (to the day!) and I'm ready for some Fargo Hospitality. I'll tell you one thing, since Orlando *IS* a tourist town the folks down here are NOT so friendly! Once you get outside the Disney bubble they are some of the most rude, inconsiderate citizens I've had the displeasure of meeting... someone needs to send them up north for a lesson in Minnesota Nice! 

I've said this once, and I will say it every day until this program is complete... THANK GOD FOR SKYPE. It is keeping me connected with my boyfriend back home, and it's a lifesaver for me when I'm feeling down. My evening off tonight consisted of a hardcore study session with Mr. Ali Dhanani for an upcoming anatomy exam, and it was an excellent night off. I love being able to have a sense of normalcy and consistency in my life, and seeing his face every night before I go to bed brings me right back home. 

That's all for now, I have some more creative updates stored in my memory banks... unfortunately, unlike when I'm in ND... down in FL I have seasonal allergies, and they are kicking my ass right now! My brain's in a fog, my nose is itching ALMOST as much as my eyes... and seeing as Disney housing is pretty similar to a freshman dorm's social setting, sleep is hard to come by with your neighbors slamming doors and jamming out to music at all hours. As soon as I have a minute to process my thoughts you'll hear all about the precious younglings I've met so far, the code Vs, the AFRs, the code yellows... so much to share, so little energy and brain cells.

The Longest Ride at Disney

I recently got stuck on the longest ride at Disney. 


I know what you're thinking, she has to be talking about Tower of Terror... or Its a Small World... or Kilimanjaro Safaris... maybe The Great Movie Ride?


No. I'm talking about the elevator inside of Cinderella's Royal Table. Inside of CRT, there are four elevators. The Royal Elevator, which takes guests from the lobby to the second floor dining room, the Princess Elevator, which brings Cinderella and her princess friends from backstage to the CRT kitchen. The third elevator is the elevator to the Cinderella suite, and the fourth elevator is the CRT kitchen elevator. This fourth elevator is the longest ride at Disney. 


To get from the first floor prep kitchen, through the second floor break room, and the third floor main kitchen you have to sit through nearly a full minute of pops, snaps, creaks, and squeaks emmiting from the elevator shaft, warning you of your impending doom. Normally, this elevator, while loud, works just fine; however, that is not always the case...


I was bringing the dirty linen cart back from the utilidoor, and hopped on the kitchen elevator to ride it back up to the main kitchen area. We made it to the third floor, the doors wouldn't open... and the elevator went back tot he first floor... then back to the third floor... then back to the first floor... then in between the first and second floor.... then we stopped. 


For those of you who don't know, I am bat shit terrified of elevators. I have an anxiety attack just thinking about getting stuck in an elevator. All I can see is a horrible, devastating plunge to my doom down the shaft and flatten at the bottom like a pancake.


The elevator door jammed, so all I can imagine is the elevator plummeting to the bottom, to my doom... it was horrifying. 


Fortunately, after prying the doors open I was allowed to eat chocolate mousse and recoop from my elevator panic attack. Nothing calms the nerves like excessive amounts of sugar and repetitive napkin folding! 


Aside from my brush with death (ha, okay... maybe not quite) I'm starting to settle in here nicely. I work 50+ hours per week, and am aiming to save for a Spring Break trip with my wonderful boyfriend :) I'm heading home in a mere 38 days for my mid-program visit, the time is flying. I can't wait to see everyone and lay in bed next to Ali. It's the simple things that keep me going. 


The job is easy, very easy to get the hang of. For the most part, my coworkers are all pleasant people... I work with a fair amount of older adults. One of my coworkers is in her 80s, bless her heart! Working for the mouse, making magic for guests... let the memories begin! 

We Create Happiness!

I am now officially a Walt Disney World cast member! I've joined the ranks of over 60,000 WDW cast members and it was a long, exhausting day with an exciting end!


I saw Cinderella Castle for the first time in eight years, and it's just as magical as the first time I saw it. That's one amazing thing about Walt Disney World, it truly is timeless. No matter how old you are, the magic of Disney sweeps you off your feet time and time again! It has a little more power over me this time around since I'm lucky enough to be spending nearly 40 hours per week inside Cinderella Castle for the next five months, which is something many people around the park envy!


The day started out EARLY, catching the bus to Disney University at 6:30 this morning, and heading to a 4.5 hour long lecture about Disney History and what it means to be a Cast Member at this amazing company. I also got the honor and priveledge of meeting my boss... I'm pretty sure Mickey Mouse is the best boss there is! Seeing Mickey Mouse is always exciting, no matter your age, and seeing the entire classroom erupt into thunderous applause and squeals of excitement when that mouse strolled through the door just goes to show how exciting one little mouse can be!


After a LONG afternoon of lecture, I skipped back to my apartment and had a nice Skype date with my one and only :) I don't know what I would do without the wonders of skype. Getting to see Ali's face every day makes being away so much better than if I couldn't see him. It's almost like being there, just not nearly as good! I'll be home in seven weeks to visit, I can already tell the time is going to fly!!


Ashley, Maggie and Sara all had afternoon Traditions, so we got all dolled up and hit up Magic Kingdom to watch "The Magic, The Memories, and You!" projection show and let me tell you, if there's one thing you need to see the next time you come to Disney World (aside from visiting me of course) is this show. It's only fifteen minutes long, right before and after "Wishes" and it is bar none spectacular. I was so memsmerized I couldn't even manage to snap any photos!


Ashley and I decided to hit up her new home away from home, SPLASH MOUNTAIN, instead of watching the remainer of "Wishes" after Tinkerbell zip lines off Cinderella Castle (which is terrifying to witness, that's one brave girl!) We got SOAKED, but it was fantastic! I've forgotten how much detail goes into the Attractions at WDW, it's really something.


The rest of the week is going to fly by! Tomorrow I get to sleep in (FINALLY!) with a Food and Beverage Core class at Disney U, which is thankfully only three hours, then overloading on Rock N' Roller Coaster and Tower of Terror, followed by Fantastmic with my ever so lovely roomskie. I have my eight hour long "Once Upon a Time... Is Now!" Magic Kingdom orientation on Friday starting at 7:15a (another EARLY morning... bus leaves at 6:05a!!)


Settling in to have an awesome experience! :)

Greetings from Patterson Court

While I can't claim photo credit for the above shot (I used google!) this is a shining example of what my new apartment looks like. I live in Patterson Court, the newest Disney housing complex, and I love it. Once my roommates and myself get a little more settled in I'll post photos of the apartment.... it's kind of in complete chaos right now! There are six of us, three bedrooms, sandy colored walls with white trim... and PALM TREES outside my window (and a cow/horse, we're not quite sure).

I have five roommates. Ashley hails from Massachusetts, and we share a room. She played Daffy Duck at Six Flags, and she's a fire cracker! She'll be working at Frontierland Attractions in the Magic Kingdom.
Maggie grew up in New Jersey... where "we pump fists... not gas." She's legitimately NEVER pumped her own gasoline, which boggles my mind! It's amazing how different two towns a thousand miles apart can be! Her role is Quick Service Food and Beverage at the All-Stars Music resort.
Sara is from Mississippi, and Laura is from Tennessee, and they BOTH have the most adorable Southern accents you've ever heard in your life. Sara is working quick service food and beverage at Pinocchio Village Haus in Magic Kingdom's Fantasyland, and Laura will be working Main Street Operations at Magic Kingdom as well! (We're a MK heavy apartment.)
Mariela, from Puerto Rico, is on her second CP, and she'll be reprising her role as photopass in a new home park, represneting Patterson 6201 at Hollywood Studios.

My role in Disney's show (yes, that's what it's REALLY called. I don't get hired for a job, I am cast in a role) is working at Cinderella's Royal Table in the Magic Kingdom... which means I work at the site shown below...

It really doesn't get much more Disney than Cinderella Castle in Magic Kingdom!!

After a long, long, LONG day... I'm ready for bed in my new digs!

A bit of Florida madness!

My first photo from my big move! Aww ;)
I'm officially in Florida, slightly homeless and itching to unpack these bags containing my life for the next five months... but this hotel is pretty fab!

I left Fargo Thursday afternoon, and it was the hardest day I've had in a VERY long time. Saying goodbye was really tough, it felt like my heart was being pulled from my chest. As cheesy as it sounds, I did leave my heart back in North Dakota, but I have an amazing man to keep it safe for me until I come back to him ;). Ali's steadfast support and words of encouragement is something I am SO grateful for!

After gaining some of the energy I've lost over the past few days, I had the opportunity to explore Celebration, Florida (pictured above). This town is straight out of the Stepford Wives, a picturesque construction of small business and quaint little houses, each with a porch to encourage everyone to be good neighbors! This town is a vision of the Walt Disney Company to represent the quintessential American town, with family-values and safe neighborhoods. To put it lightly, if you don't mow your lawn, the city will do it for you and charge you a fee! Celebration also has one of the top ranked Thai food establishments (as ranked by the country of Thailand!) called Thai Thani, which was nothing short of fantastic.

After a power nap, I was able to take my first steps onto Disney property. This photo is one that ALL people end up taking a photo of when they drive into Disney World, but it's necessary! Where Dreams Come True!

Today's theme ended up being "Emily's Cultural Food Experience" and "The Aunties Contemplate Purchasing Child Leash for Emily." Thai for lunch, and Cuban at Bongos in Downtown Disney for dinner! The food was, once again, fantastic, and the service was phenomenal... if you're ever in the area I recommend hitting it up!

Not surprisingly, Downtown Disney (the only Disney property you can hit up free of charge) on a Saturday night was hoppin', and my mother, the aunties (Beep and Carol) and myself walked to the giant Disney store to start my search for Aladdin themed merchandise for my very own Prince Ali back home, (mine's WAY better than the original!). Apparently, this store and my subsequent escape from their line of sight brought about the discussion of whether or not they make child leashes large enough to fit my body to prevent future wanderings. Even at 21 they still worry about me being distracted by shiny toys just long enough to forever be seperated... thank god for cell phones!

Tomorrow is a gator cruise in the swamp followed by terrorizing Disney's Hollywood Studios, Helms' Women style! I'm meeting my roommate tomorrow evening, and check-in is early Monday!

And know wherever I am, I'm missing you!

Lucky

It's 2:49a on Wednesday, which means I leave tomorrow for my Disney internship, and if I were to say I have an overwhelming amount of thoughts and emotions cycling through my head on a constant loop... I'd be putting it lightly.

BUT that's not what I'm going to focus on. I'm not going to shine a spotlight on the amazing adventure to come, I'm not going to talk about how excited I am to embark on this new life chapter, and how thrilled I am to include you all in it... I'm going to talk about luck.

More specifically, I am so fucking lucky. Not only do I have the opportunity to experience this once in a lifetime opportunity in Lake Buena Vista, Florida, but my support system is amazing. I dare you to find a more solid base than mine. I have my family... my dad, my momma, and my spectacular older brother. I have a boyfriend, Ali, who stands by me and supports me, my friends who have all send me off with a smile, a hug, and words of encouragement... extended family, on top of my soon to be Disney family. I have never felt more gracious and appreciative in my life.

If I'm being honest, I'm 100% terrified of what's to come. I want my boyfriend, my family, my friends, to be there to hold my hand and reassure me that everything is going to be okay. I know I'm strong, but the thought of not being quite strong enough lingers in my mind. And then, amazingly enough, I think of all the spectacular people in ND/MN I'm saying "see you later" too, just for now, and I know I'll be okay.

How lucky am I to have what I have? I must have drawn the right cards from the deck, because even with how terrified I am of what lies ahead, I've never been more sure of myself and the choices I've made.

A fond farewell to Fargo, ND! I'll see you all in early October! Until then... keep logging on and reading my updates. I'll say hello to Tropical Storm EMILY when I land early Friday!

My Mother.

My mom is my best friend. I know a lot of people say that about their mothers, but it really holds true for my mom. For as long as I can remember, my mom has been my teacher, my advocate, always in my corner to remind me that I'm never to old to snuggle up and tell her what's wrong, but she's also never been afraid to give me a push to do what's right. My mother has always allowed me to make my own mistakes, never criticizing me for the poor choices I've made; instead, she uses them as an opportunity to help me learn, grow, and become the woman I am today. The things my mother have taught me are varied: from teaching me to ALWAYS decorate in odd numbers, teaching me that you should always use the bathroom before you put your snow pants on, how to check if spaghetti is cooked through (throw it against the wall) to things that are a bit deeper... such as always standing up for what you believe in, keeping family first, never regretting the choices you make, and learning from your mistakes. When I was trapped in an abusive relationship, my mother was there to ease my pain, get help, and remind me again and again that what happened was NOT my fault. When I was afraid to apply for an internship that would move me halfway across the country, she reminded me that no matter how far away I was, she and my dad would always be there for me, only a phone call away.

I know there is nothing I could ever do that would show my mother how much she means to me, and how thankful I am for having her in my life. There is no diamond large enough, no flower bright enough, no painting beautiful enough that could reflect the degree of gratitude I have for her. When I see my mother, I feel at home. When I see my mother, I feel safe. And when I see my mother, I know there is nothing that could replace her in my heart.

Perhaps most important of all, my mother has taught me that no matter what, I can always come home. Even though I'm an adult and living on my own, she calls me to tell me she loves me, that she's proud of who I am, and most of all I will NEVER be done learning from my mother. I know that every child on the planet thinks that their mother is God's gift to humanity, and the best mother on the planet, and I don't doubt that to them... she is. But to me, my mom is more than my mother, she's more than the person who taught me to tie my shoes and who sang me a lullaby when I was fussy... my mother is my pillar of strength, and I'm proud to be her daughter.

"Remember Beloved, God has no pleasure in the death of the wicked." -Ezekiel 18:23

Anyone who knows me can reaffirm the following statement: I am, in no way, shape, or form, a religious person. I do not attend church service, I don't receive any of the sacraments, I don't believe in organized religion, and I find the Church to be corrupt.  That being said, I do identify with Christianity (well, the idea of Christianity, not the practice) and I do consider myself a Christian, no matter how non-practicing I may be. 


I've been thinking on it, and everyone in this country and across the world is aware of what occurred on May 1st, 2011. After ten years of searching, the United States has finally won the world's longest game of hide and go seek. Call me a pessimist if you wish, but I truly never believed we'd find him. Ten years of searching through mountain caves and he winds up being at a compound worth millions of dollars in a Pakistani city. Who'd have thought?


As I read countless facebook status updates and received text messages celebrating the death of Osama bin Laden, I began to process my own emotions and gauge my reactions. How did this make me feel? I, for one, am not a supporter of the death penalty here or abroad. I realize that his death was the only guarantee of keeping the world safe from his terror. But I did not want to celebrate with the rest of the world. I felt relief that he is dead, and am proud of the SEALs that risked their lives in this operation, but I don't feel like celebrating death. That's what he did when the towers toppled over in a cloud of fire, smoke, and shards of glass, ending the lives of thousands. Do I want to be grouped into the same category as him? Not a chance in hell.


Am I sad that he's gone? Not in the slightest. He was a horrible, wicked person. He murdered thousands of people, and truth be told, he deserved what he had coming to him... but that idea does not make me smile, or make me want to cheer.... it makes me terribly sad for the world we live in.  Where death of another human being, no matter how wicked, brings rejoicing in the streets. 


I have to ask, after ten years, two wars, over 900,000 deaths, and over $1,000,000,000,000 dollars in expenses for the War on Terror in Afghanistan, Iraq, and around the globe, we've managed to catch our number one man. Is it worth it? That remains to be seen.


This man's death is the start to a multitude of possible consequences.

98 Days till the Big Move!

I'm officially in double digits! August 5th is only 98 days away. My program officially starts in 101 days, this time is flying by.


First things first, I received notification from Disney that I was not selected to be a Character Performer. I expected as such since there were so few slots and so many talented people that auditioned, and I'm ecstatic for any one who made the final cut :)


Onto happy news, I now have all of my apartment mates! All six of us in our three bedroom apartment, ha ha!
Mariela and Mereddy from sunny Puerto Rico, Maggie from New Jersey, Ashley from Massachusetts, Laura from Tennessee... and Emily from North Dakota, ha ha. I think I win for least exciting state representative for our living quarters! I have yet to communicate with Laura, but the other four ladies are very friendly and upbeat, and I am VERY excited to meet them all! It's bizarre, I'll be sharing my life with these people for five full months, I know they exist... but I have only met one of the people who is actually on my program from over 1,000 participants! (That being said, Logan is fantastic ha ha).


Non-Disney news! There is life outside of this whirlwind of Disney centered info, and I'm loving every minute. April is winding down... that means finals! Finals start next week, I only have three exams and I'm officially checked out ;) 
End of the month generally means MOVING time as well. I've started the lovely task of helping Ali move out of his place, packing and drinking Shandy, watching Netflix and eating a lot of pizza is sure to occupy the next couple days! I've also officially scheduled the check-out at my apartment for May 31st at 11:00AM, so the first of THREE (possibly four) moves in the next eight months is right around the corner. I'm dreading it... I have SO much stuff it's borderline ridiculous. 


I can say, with full confidence, that life is GOOD. Things have never been better for me, and I am so happy I'm thinking it might be contagious :)


Buffalo Wild Wings is... well, Buffalo Wild Wings. Good news is the patio is opening soon, which means summer will be here before I know it! Bad news is I should PROBABLY try and find a pair of bermudas so I don't roast to death if I have a patio shift, too bad they make me look ultra butch. There are worse things.


Good luck on the end of the semester, and if you're part of my ever-expanding Disney family, I'll see YOU in 101 days ;)

time keeps ticking on and on

Time keeps ticking on and on... days keep moving forward! First and foremost, I still have yet to hear back about the status of my audition. I caved in and called Disney Recruiting to inquire as to what this lack of response indicates, and the recruiter was very friendly, and was happy to inform me that if I haven't received a rejection letter yet... I'm still in the character pool! Getting a role in the Entertainment cast at Disney is a long shot, there were over 2,000 people that auditioned for about 200 roles. For those of you as bad at math as I am, that's a 10% acceptance rate. Not so great! BUT I've made it this far so I'm staying optimistic, and either way I'll be moving to Florida in 107 short days.


Speaking of 107 short days, I'm starting to formulate plans in my cute little noggin about what's going to go down in these upcoming weeks! For anyone that didn't know, my flight to Orlando is officially BOOKED, I'll be departing Friday, August 5th bright and early at 7:00AM and should arrive in sunny Florida right around 11:30AM Eastern time. 


Before that... the weekend prior to my departure I am trying to plan a "Disney Pub Crawl." Check back for details, that will be Saturday, July 28th. We'll see how sharp my theme planning skills are since I haven't thrown a theme party since the epic Harry Potter bash July 2010. 


Spring 2011 semester is wrapping up, finals are two weeks away, and things are coming to a close. I'm looking forward to the semester wrapping up, but the rate that these weeks are passing is kind of frightening. Don't get me wrong, I'm very excited to start a new phase of my life in a brand new place, but things have been going very well for me here. Life is good, and it's hard to leave it behind.


Things in my life are fantastic, to say the least. I can honestly say I haven't been this happy in a very long time. This happiness doesn't depend on others, but some great new people around sure helps. I've been dating someone for two months now, and having him in my life is a breath of fresh air, a relief that I didn't even know I needed. Recently, I've realized that I've never been someone's one and only. There's always been another girl... whether it's a "best friend" that he can't seem to stop staring at, an ex-girlfriend who is still in the picture, or even someone that they end of sleeping with while I was with him... I've never been the only girl in someone's life. For the first time, I'm getting a taste of what that feels like, and it feels good. I'm still riding the wave, taking everything a day at a time, and it is the best high there is.


I'm still biding my time at Buffalo Wild Wings. I was close to walking out on a shift about two weeks ago, and while I'm aware that I only have three months to go until I move and finding a new job right now would be relatively pointless... some days I'm so tired of serving over-priced wings and nearly flat beer to ungrateful restaurant patrons I could just cry. It's a tough thing. I've been working there for two and a half years, and I still feel as under-appreciated as I did when I started. I realize that's the real world, but I just can't accept that "that's just the way it is." It's the way it is because people are too afraid to take a stand and have their voice be heard... probably because I, along with my coworkers, know that if we voice our complaints we risk losing our jobs. It's a slippery slope.


Hopefully I'll hear information 

Born this Way

Emily Jorgenson: STRAIGHT, but not narrow.

I support gay rights.

How was I born?

Straight. White. Attracted to older men.

Sexually charged, sexually responsible.

Proud of who I am, proud of the choices I've made.

Proud that I don't bury my head in the sand, or up my ass.

Liberal.

Accepting.

Supportive of love, no matter who you are or who you were born to love.

 Happy to be happy!

Confident in who I am and what I believe.

Are you proud of who you were born to be?

This is REALITY.

Greetings, all! Just as I thought it would, the Disney Character auditions made everything REAL. Actually meeting some of the people I'll be sharing this experience made it all fall into place. Everyone was friendly, personable, and excited to be there as I was. It was a fantastic experience.

As far as the audition goes, it was a blast. There were thirty-three people at the audition, myself included, and it was hands down the most fun I've ever had at an audition. It was laid back, relaxed, fun... everything Disney is supposed to be! We started out the audition with the basic measurements, job descriptions, meeting the casting director, and small talk chit chat, kept us all relaxed and loose!

The audition was simple and fun! We did two animation exercises (Disney's terminology for an improv audition) which involved LARGE, exaggerated pantomiming and NO speaking, which allowed them to gauge whether or not we'd be suitable to portray one of the hundreds of furry costumed characters that grace the parks on a daily basis. (Think Mickey... he doesn't speak!) After those, we learned a dance combination, rehearsed it over and over... and the audition ended after about two hours! It was a great expereince!

Overall, I feel the audition went well! I had a blast, I had energy, and I made the casting director laugh. Can't get much better than that! I'll be happy if I get a role, don't get me wrong, but either way I'm looking forward to August now more than ever :)

As far as hearing back goes, the results of the audition are released anywhere between three and five weeks following the FINAL audition date of the fourteen-city tour of DCP Auditions, which happens to fall on March 30th. Ergo, I should hear back about the audition anytime before April 30th. It'll be an exciting time!! (I'm hoping it's closer to three weeks than five, ha ha).

Check back for an update ;)

Twelve Hours to Go.

I'm twelve hours out from my Character Performance audition in Minneapolis. After a four hour drive and twenty minutes of looping around one-way after one-way to find the entrance to the parking lot of our hotel, I'm finally inside the hotel, relaxing, mentally preparing myself for the task ahead. Haha, so serious! 


I'm just joking, I'm actually feeling very confident about this. I know what to expect, and I know what I'm capable of. I'll give it my all, and I can't ask any more than that!


Aside from the actually audition process (which I love, they're a blast!) I'm VERY excited to actually meet some of the people who will be joining me on this life adventure. As far as that department is concerned... I've networked for months on a facebook page for the Fall/Fall Advantage 2011 College Program, and have come across ONE other person auditioning in Minneapolis tomorrow, so it might be a VERY small audition. The sizes have varied anywhere from 50 to 200 students auditioning, so we'll see how many Disney-hopefuls trollop through Minneapolis tomorrow! 


I have a feeling that after this audition, the reality of the rest of the year is really going to sink in.  Moving to a new state, with no one I know, for five months... working for minimum wage to pay my way through a once in a lifetime opportunity.  I'm feeling a whirlwind of emotions at this moment, I'm anxious, excited,  happy, scared, tired, awake... it's a crazy feeling. 


Look for an update tomorrow... I'll recap the audition then!

T-7 DAYS... and other Disney updates.

There is officially less than one week until my Character Performance audition in Minneapolis, MN, and I couldn't be more anxious/excited! My dad is getting a hotel lined up right downtown for Monday night, and my audition is at noon on Tuesday. That audition seemed ages away when this entire process started, and now it's right at my doorstep. I'm hoping that it goes swimmingly, and I'm feeling very confident that things will go well! 


Also on the Disney front, I found a roommate for the program and I'm quite excited. Her name is Mariela and she hails from sunny Puerto Rico! Talk about two different worlds :). Me from the frozen tundra, her from a tropical paradise, but after chatting with her for a while we seem to really get along and I'm very excited to share my Disney Adventure with her. She's a CP veteran, so I'll have someone with some experience to lean on while I get my feet wet in this crazy little things called the Disney College Program. We seem to have a lot in common, and she's easy to talk to... and I'll meet her in 145 days (give or take a few, I haven't counted in a while ha).


Check back in a week for updates about the audition!


Now outside the realm of Disney... things are going very well for me. I'm back at work, which has been a breath of fresh air. I've really missed Buffalo Wild Wings, I didn't realize how important that place was to me until I was gone for a while. My annual review went very well, full marks for being awesome! Ha! Just kidding, but I did do well and I'm ready to continue proving myself as a valuable employee and saving money before I take off for the fall adventure I have ahead of me.


Socially speaking, things are crazy. I've been going out, having a good time, spending time with fantastic new people and loving every minute of it! One particular person in my life is proving very stimulating to say the least, and I'm quite excited to see where THAT leads.... we'll see! 


All I know is I'm happier now than I have been in a long time, and I'm stoked to see where all this leads.


:)

Picnic Post-Mortem

A show's closing performance is always bittersweet. There is a flood of emotions that pours over you, right as you take your first step on to the stage up until you take your final bow. That feeling of "this is the last time I'll do this!" after every one of your lines, your movements, your interactions, and with every entrance and exit you know you are literally one step closer to saying goodbye. There is a sense of accomplishment after a successful run that you can't find anywhere else, and this show was particularly strong in that sense. Watching the show come together and grow is always exciting, especially when there is new blood involved. "Picnic" follows Madge Owens as she finds herself and learns what it means to fall in love and grow up, and she runs after the new guy in town, Hal Carter. The actor that played Hal was a first time performer, and watching him grow in his craft, and discover how wonderful theatre can be was a once in a lifetime experience, and I am so very proud of him.

The cast of a show quickly becomes like your second family. In a relatively short time period, the cast and crew of "Picnic" were my constant companions, I'd spent every evening with them and most weekend nights, and as the rehearsal period went on I found myself becoming attached to these people, as you always do. Saying goodbye to them today was hard, even harder than I thought it would be. It made me think about how hard it is going to be when I leave for my internship in the fall. Everything happens for a reason, and I'm ready to see what those reasons are.

157 Days to Go!

There's no denying it, Disney is on the way. It is steadily approaching, and I'm starting to get very anxious-excited. The idea of me picking up my life and moving halfway across the country is starting to sink in, and even though I'm going to miss everything I'll be leaving behind more than I can stand... it's only a temporary leave. I know this adventure will be here before I know it, and just as quickly it'll be gone. Everything in this life is so temporary, you just have to seize the moment when you have the opportunity, before it slips away. I'm trying to remember that as I waltz through this crazy thing called life!

I've been very happy as of late. Things are going well, new friends, new beginnings, new experiences abound. I had my very first sushi experience this past Sunday, and let me tell you it was about as close to life-changing as a meal can get! I was very apprehensive going in, but it is really unlike anything else I've ever eaten... enough to where I HAD to go back today. I find myself in the midst of a crop of new things and new people lately, stay tuned for what I'm sure will be plenty of humorous stories to share.

"Picnic" is entering the last days of production, and its a bittersweet end. While it's been nice to be back in my element, performing again, and creating living art to share with the community, I'm still quite ready to have my normal life back. I miss working, I miss my job, I miss my coworkers, and I miss my customers. Buffalo Wild Wings has became such a huge part of my life in the past two years, I can't believe how empty my life felt without it! It's sad, but I'm attached. March 7th is my first day that I'm available to work again, and I'm excited to get back in there.

With that in mind... I've been thinking a lot lately about everything I'll be leaving behind when I go to Florida this fall. My job is somewhere near the top of that list. I took a one month leave for the rehearsal process for Picnic, and I was so miserable away from my coworkers. As cliche as it sounds, the employees at Buffalo Wild Wings have become my second family, and at this juncture I am faced with a choice. When I leave, I can either submit a request for a five-month leave of absence, and resume my employment when I return to Fargo, or I can submit my two weeks notice and find a new job when I come home. While I love BWW and everything about it, I know I won't be returning to the same place I left. The turnover is high, people leave at a drop of a hat, and if I'm completely honest the majority of the people working there now will more than likely be gone by the time I return. It's a conundrum.

I'm less than 20 days out from my big Character Performer audition in Minneapolis, MN. Keep checking back for updates.

-Emily-

Overcoming Obstacles, and other motivational shit like that.

From the outside looking in, and from my side looking out, my life is pretty breathtaking. I have a fabulous support system, wonderful friends and family that I would give anything to protect, I'm smart, talented, and I have a good head on my shoulders (not to brag or anything).

But I've gone through a lot to make it this far and to get to where I am today. I'm going to share a few of these things with you, not only because I finally have the strength to do it, but because I'm hoping I can help someone else out there that is currently going through what I did.

As most of you know, this past fall was a very rough time for me. At the end of the summer I ended a four year relationship, and it didn't end on good terms. Betrayal is something I've written about previously, and while I'm no longer bitter about the choices he made, I still feel badly about losing that individual in my life. But that is neither here nor there. Immediately following my breakup, I rebounded in the worst of ways. His name was David, and he seemed nice. Everyone around me quickly discovered that he was "too" nice, something I was too blind to see until it was too late. I was hurting, and David seemed to care about me, and wanted to take care of me, to fix my battle wounds and help me heal from my heartbreak... on the surface, he looked like a godsend, sent to pick me up and allow me to move on.

Things went okay for a while, I caught him reading through my cell phone frequently, something that always bothered me, but I never confronted him. His "caring" nature turned to obsession.... always wanting to know where I was, who I was with, what I was doing, trying to control the clothes I wore, how I fixed my hair... who I was calling or seeing on a minute-to-minute basis. Despite all these things, I thought I was happy.

Things took a turn for the worse in October. He got... for lack of a better word, scary. His possessiveness reached beyond normal jealousy, and he spent a majority of his time with me berating me. I'd never been yelled at before, but I have now. David would get in my face and scream at the top of his lungs, with his hands on my shoulders. Throwing me up against the wall, telling me how much of a whore I was, how I was dishonest, and how I was a manipulative bitch, that was only out to hurt him, to hurt everyone around me. I was self-centered... and even though I knew what he was doing was wrong, I STILL maintained he was a good person at heart, and I defended him to the ground to everyone that was concerned for me.

The end of October was the turning point for me, when things actually sunk in and I realized how scary he actually was... but by then it was too late, I was trapped. Shit hit the fan on the night of Halloween, when I maintained I would never forgive him for the things he said and what he did to my roommates and myself. The next day I went to talk legal action with him... and he threatened me. He told me that if I ever left him, that I would never see my roommate or her boyfriend again. Looking back, it was a hollow, empty threat, but at the time, I was terrified. I knew by staying with him I'd be risking my personal safety. I knew I could get hurt; however, at that point none of that mattered, I had to protect my friends. So I stuck around for another month. I let him take advantage of me. I won't go into details, but I was stuck in a full-on abusive relationship... and it was terrifying. More than the physical aspects... trust me, getting chunks of hair ripped from your scalp is nothing to bat an eye at, being screamed at on a day-to-day basis really gets you down. Already battling depression and anxiety stemming from my last failed relationship, a lot of the things David said to me really hit home. That I didn't try hard enough, that I wasn't caring, and that I was not a good person.

The details escape me, I've blocked them out, but I got out. I left the relationship and I've come full circle. I've coped, I've processed, and I came out alive. I often marvel at my own strength ;)

I am NOT sharing this story to start a pity party for myself, or to have anyone feel bad for me. I don't need it, I'm just fine without it. I'm sharing this part of my life because I want ANYONE out there that feels trapped or is in a relationship like this to know you aren't alone. I can say with full honesty that I know how it feels to be trapped, to have no escape, and to feel like you are worth nothing. I know what it feels like to maintain that the person you're with doesn't mean to hurt you, it just happens, and I KNOW how hard it is to try and walk away.

There's always someone there to support you, and if no one else, you can come to me.